Cardinals Elect New Pope using electronic voting machines

[Ralph Shnelvar <ralphs@xxxxxxxxx>]

On Thu, 14 Apr 2005 16:07:08 -0600, "Dr. Charles E. Corry" <ccorry@xxxxxxxx>
wrote:

George W. Bush Elected Pope!
Catholic Cardinals Stunned!

Reported by Willie E. Davis

The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world that gathered to choose a
successor in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned and expressed
amazement.
Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had this to say, "We in the
conclave
are all shocked. We cast our vote's using these new electronic voting
machines.The results overwhelmingly favored George W. Bush over all 
the Catholic
candidates. The last Pope, John Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently
speaking
11 languages, this one can't speak fluently in one language. We just don't
know
what to say."

The White House has announced that Dick Cheney will assume command as
President
of the world tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome to begin his duties
as
Pope.

George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he spoke from the Rose Garden:

"I am honored to be the spiritual lighthouse, and the first War Pope. I
promise
Evangelical Catho-licks and Prostates alike that I will be embodied 
in salvation
and fair in the performance of my duties. I am a Unitifier, not a
Divide-a-cater. I am obliged to try to save as many lost souls as I can, at
least the Devout Wealthy Elite Souls, as it is well known that Heaven is a
very
select place, indeed, it is more exclusive than even the best of country
clubs.
It is a members only Heaven. I may have to put a fence around it.

I will preform miracles in a fair and balanced manner. Just as God use to
wipe
out entire races of people without warning, burning whole towns of perverts,
killing off an entire nations, and drowning everybody without a ticket to
board
Noah's Ark, I shall deliver the world from Evil Empires as I unleash the
Apocalypse Wrath of Revelations. I will ensure the Rapture and the Reunion
with
our beloved deceased family members and with our departed purebred pets.
I will not allow those awful Liberal Sissy Homosapiens to marry each 
other and I
will put and end to the Clergy marrying Choirboys.

I will lead the Crusades against all them towel-headed heathens
demon-possessed
voodoo-hoodoo barbarians who's Pseudo-religions that don't except Christ as
the
Light of Democracy, and who worship fake, made-up gods. They shall they
shall
suffer my Godly Conservative Wrath and I will Destroy them with my Cherubic
Armies of Angels and they shall burn for eternity in Hell, because Me and
God
don't take no prisoners!

Remember, it is written in the Gospel of Luke, or.... maybe it's 
Larry, ugh, 12,
ugh,5 or something, that Jesus told us we are to live our lives in FEAR of
God
and the Terrorists, for God and the Terrorists have the power not only to
kill
us, but to torture us forever in Hell.

And to you Non Believers and Democrats, I say, I can't wait to see you burn
in
Hell, I mean it.....I can't wait!!!"